And yet, at some point, though, all of it had become enough. It had become too much. There was nothing pleasurable or freeing about this book for me—it was all burden. So I gave myself permission to put it aside and to give it a TBD (To Be Determined) status. I parted ways with the New York City agent who had agreed to represent me and sent him my thanks for his efforts. I tried not to beat myself up about what I viewed as a failure and worked to keep moving forward—after all, I was (am) a busy, self-employed mom with a business to run and two teenagers to raise. In other words, I had things to do.
Fast-forward to the end of 2015, when I began to be able to tolerate thinking about this book again. What if, I asked myself, you wrote it to be finished, to put it out in the world? What if you stopped trying to get it perfect and, instead, got it done? What if, I reasoned, using my own perfectionist-inrecovery lingo to debate the voice inside my head, you proved the “done is the enemy of perfect” rule yet again?
And there you are. The book you now read is all of that and maybe a bit more. It’s in my voice, with my nuances, my stuff, my language and my perspective.
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And although this book is for me, it’s also for my family, my fellow 3Gs, their parents (the 2Gs) and the grandparents,
of course.
It’s also for anyone who cares about a good family story of heartbreak and trauma mixed in with genuine love. It’s for anyone who subscribes to the law of “Time + Tragedy = Humor.”
It’s about breaking old patterns and finding true healing, as painful and difficult as that is for anyone, no matter how strong or supported they may be.
It’s about being OK with putting something imperfect out into the world. (That one makes me nervous, folks.) It’s about making mistakes that somewhere along the way you were taught you couldn’t make.
It’s about loving the people who raised you despite—or maybe because of—their shortcomings and limitations. It’s about forgiving them—and yourself—for all of that and so much more.
It’s about reminding myself—and you—that it is never too late for whatever it is you feel called to do, complete or share.
This book is not perfect, nor am I. But it is perfectly done, and that is what matters now.
Thank you for being part of this journey.
