A groundbreaking study led by PhD student Shir Ginosar Yaari and Prof. Ariel Knafo-Noam from the Psychology Department at the Hebrew University has revealed a striking flaw in the way we perceive those closest to us. Despite being immersed in their lives, armed with years of shared experiences and intimate knowledge, we frequently misinterpret their values and behaviors. The research suggests that this startling inaccuracy is not a matter of mere misunderstanding but rather a deep-seated bias—one shaped and distorted by our own personal values.
Our personal values act as mental filters, shaping how we view others. Six studies across four countries (Israel, Italy, Poland, and Finland), involving over 2,200 participants, revealed that we project our own values onto close relationships—romantic partners, parents, children, and friends. Even accounting for the other person’s actual values and behavior, we assume those close to us share our values. Intriguingly, this tendency seems stronger in closer relationships, suggesting that the more connected we feel, the more we perceive value alignment. This projection bias held true across diverse populations and cultures, highlighting its robustness and broad applicability.
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While this tendency to idealize close relationships can boost positivity, it can also create misunderstandings, unmet expectations, and miscommunication. For example, this bias may hinder value-based socialization, like parents influencing their children’s values. Children might perceive their parents as already sharing their values, rather than learning from their actual beliefs.
This research also prompts questions about the underlying reasons for this bias. Do we view loved ones positively to reflect well on ourselves? Or is it simply easier to judge others based on our own values? Further experimental research is needed to explore these questions and understand the real-time impact of this bias on our interactions.
“This research highlights just how much our personal values shape not only how we see ourselves but also how we perceive the people we care about the most,” said Shir Ginosar Yaari. “Recognizing this bias can help us better understand the roots of our misunderstandings and improve our ability to connect with and appreciate the differences in our closest relationships.”
This study sheds light on the pervasive influence of values in shaping not only our decisions and actions but also our perceptions of others. By understanding how and why these biases occur, we can work towards better communication, deeper empathy, and stronger relationships in both personal and professional settings.
