Ghostlighting is the latest trend in how people are being mean to one another. One can never underestimate how many ways narcissists and/or sociopaths can come up with to be manipulative. The act, and the word itself, come from combining ghosting and gaslighting.
Ghosting is when someone you are involved with effectively disappears from your life without explanation. This could be done by either a friend or someone you are romantically involved with, and even by a family member. For no apparent reason, they stop answering your texts, messages or e-mails. Once upon a time, this was done by simply never returning a person’s calls. And yes ghosting is done with malicious intent; the person who does it is not oblivious to the fact that he or she is hurting you.
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Gaslighting is when someone tries to make you doubt your own reality. It comes from the 1944 American film Gaslight, in which a husband tries to drive his wife crazy by lying to her about what she thinks is reality. One thing he does is dim the home’s gaslights (the story takes place before electricity) and when she notices he tells her nothing has changed.
In ghostlighting, the person will first love bomb you, showering you with affection and attention. This makes you feel special and desired. Then, they will suddenly disappear, without explanation. When you try to contact them, they will either ignore you or deny that they know you. This can be very confusing and upsetting, and it can make you start to doubt your own sanity.
The goal of ghostlighting is to make you feel like you are the problem. The ghostlighter wants you to believe that you are crazy or needy, so that you will not question their behavior. They may also do this to avoid conflict or to get what they want from you.
“It’s a series of manipulation tactics with a goal of making the person feel like they’re going crazy, or that they can’t trust themselves,” psychologist and author Stephanie Sarkis, PhD, told Women’s Health Magazine.
The reason for the person doing this, Sarkis explained, is “That person is trying to manipulate you and create guilt to make you feel like it’s not their fault. That way, they can absolve themselves from any responsibility.”
If you are being ghostlighted, it is important to remember that you are not crazy. The ghostlighter is the one who is behaving in a manipulative and abusive way. You deserve to be treated with respect, and you should not let someone else make you feel bad about yourself.
If you find yourself a victim of ghostlighting, then whatever you do don’t take it personally. The ghostlighter is not doing this because of anything you did wrong. They are simply trying to manipulate you. And don’t try to contact them. This will only give the person the power to control you.
Ghostlighting is a form of emotional abuse, and it is important to remember that you are not alone. There are people who can help you to deal with it.
