It’s Purim and people are celebrating around the world. But while everybody is partying, we at Jewish Business News continue to follow the latest breaking news events just for you.
Here are the top 5:
Donald Trump Coverts to Judaism, Moving to Israel
Will you offer us a hand? Every gift, regardless of size, fuels our future.
Your critical contribution enables us to maintain our independence from shareholders or wealthy owners, allowing us to keep up reporting without bias. It means we can continue to make Jewish Business News available to everyone.
You can support us for as little as $1 via PayPal at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Donald Trump revealed today that he has just completed his yearlong conversion to Judaism and now intends to move to Israel as a Jew under the Law of Return.
The former American President said that once in Israel he intends to start an entirely new political party and fully expects to become Israel’s next Prime Minister.
“My new party will be the biggest and the best in Israel’s history,” declared Trump. “It is sure to win all 435 seats in the Knesset and take the Senate too. Don’t believe the fake news and don’t let Naftali Bennett use the Ukraine Crisis and Covid as an excuse to steal the election.”
No one had the heart to tell Trump that the Knesset has only 120 seats in it and that Israel has no Senate.
Vladimir Putin Gives Up
Russian President Vladimir Putin has thrown in the towel and admitted that he made a terrible blunder by invading Ukraine. Putin is now converting to Judaism and plans on coming to Israel to study Tora. He promised to order a full withdrawal from Ukraine in exchange for a guarantee of sanctuary in Israel should he be charged as a war criminal by the International Court of Justice.
Mark Zuckerberg Admits Facebook is Harmful, Shuts Down Company
Mark Zuckerberg has come to realize that his company Facebook caused tremendous pain and suffering to numerous people. As such, he has decided to simply shutdown Facebook, and Instagram and the whole Meta universe thing.
“I can’t believe what I have actually done,” said Zuckerberg. “I am so remorseful. I fully intend to give all of my money away to all of those people who I have harmed over the years.”
Elon Musk Saves the World
Billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk has actually done it. He has saved the entire world from an alien invasion.
It turns out that all of Musk’s space travel work was really a cover for building new technology to defend the Earth from a Klingon invasion. The new tech is said to be a kind of shield that also cloaks the planet so that the Klingons can’t find it.
Unfortunately, the shields will also block out our view of the stars and all of the other planets.
Israeli Scientists Cure Everything
Israel Startup Nation is known for its high tech developments that have been used to treat all manner of disease and perform various medical procedures. Well, now the startup CureEveryboy has done the impossible: it has invented a new device that can cure any disease and heal any kind of injury or wound.
The new tech was created by Professor Moshe Ulneverbelieveitson from Tel Aviv University together with Dr. Chaim Ben-Lmao from the Hebrew University in Jerusalem.