It is never easy to make new friends. This is especially true the older one gets. Well, now researchers from the University of Kansas say that one needs to devote at least 50 hours of one-on-one time to turn a new acquaintance into a friend. And it could take as many as 200 hours.
Making friends is an obsession for some people. This is why Dale Carnegie’s book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” is one of the all-time bestsellers, selling more than 30 million copies worldwide. The book offers timeless advice on building relationships and fostering positive interactions. While some aspects might require adaptation to modern settings, its core principles hold true.
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But how long does it take to make a new friend?
University of Kansas Associate Professor of Communication Studies Jeffrey Hall found that it takes roughly 50 hours of time together to move from mere acquaintance to casual friend, 90 hours to go from that stage to simple “friend” status and more than 200 hours before you can consider someone your close friend.
“We have to put that time in,” Hall said. “You can’t snap your fingers and make a friend. Maintaining close relationships is the most important work we do in our lives — most people on their deathbeds agree.”
Hall said he extrapolated his latest work from previous studies that established that a person’s brain can only handle about 150 friendships, and that, as he wrote, “the amount of time and the type of activity shared with a partner can be thought of as strategic investments toward satiating long-term belongingness needs.”
In the first part of his study, Jeffrey Hall analyzed 355 responses to an online survey from adults who said they had moved in the last six months and were looking for new friends in their new homes. Hall asked them to think of someone they had met since moving, and how their relationship had proceeded, drawing associations between friendship closeness, hours spent together and types of activities. In this study, Hall asked the participants to rate their resulting relationships in one of four deepening stages: acquaintance, casual friend, friend and close friend. Then he estimated the number of hours where people began to transition from one level of friendship to another.
“When people transition between stages, they’ll double or triple the amount of time they spend with that other person in three weeks’ time,” Hall said. “I found freshmen who spent one-third of all waking hours in a month with one good friend.”
“You can’t make people spend time with you, but you can invite them,” Hall added. “Make it a priority to spend time with potential friends. If you are interested in a friendship, switch up the context. If you work together, go to lunch or out for a drink. These things signal to people that you are interested in being friends with them.”
