Published On: Thu, Jul 31st, 2014

Jon Stewart Kickstarter Raised $150 Billion to Purchase CNN… Not


Last week, “Daily Show” star Jon Stewart announced he was starting a $10 billion Kickstarter campaign aimed at buying CNN from Time Warner, seeing as Fox News owner (and owner of much of the rest of the planet) Rupert Murdoch has had the hots for Time Warner for some time.

So far, Murdoch has been unable to purchase TW, and if he does (because, in the end, he always does) Murdoch would have to sell CNN, because even he can’t own both CNN and Fox News in the same markets. So Stewart has been urging his viewers to go to the website to contribute to the cause of buying the news network.

Stewart agreed $10 billion is “a lot of money for anyone, but not a lot of money for everyone. Which is why tonight we are starting our Kickstarter campaign to buy CNN.”

The website is a Kickstarter lookalike, except users can’t actually make donations. The page reads, “Let’s Buy CNN – If Rupert’s selling, we’re ready to buy. Thanks to a successful Kickstarter campaign that raised over $4.3 trillion, CNN will belong to the people. Let’s make it better.”

“CNN, America’s first 24-hour cable news network, has been terrible for many, many years. Does it have to be that way? Who knows, maybe it does. So let’s find out for ourselves”

“This $10 billion, all-cash bid for CNN would secure control of a massive television network reaching over 100 million homes in the US alone, which we could then use to rebuild a news organization befitting this proud land. Or more likely we’d use it to make a lot more poop jokes. Either way, you get to watch!”

This week, Stewart announced, “Can I tell you something? Our fake Kickstarter to buy CNN is up to $150 billion now. When we charge their credit cards I have a feeling we’ll be disappointed.”

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