Why would anyone want to ride a bumper car shaped like a giant penis?
Or board an “erotic ghost train” that chug-chugs past go-go dancers? Or play carnival games in a midway where visitors throw darts at boob balloons and toss rings at plastic phalluses and dip magnetic fishing lines in Copulation Pond?
People, I don’t claim any expertise on amusement parks or sex. What I do know, in my limited experience with both, is there is absolutely no overlap* between the two. (*Excludes the long wait times and mysterious headaches.)
You don’t go to an amusement park to think about sex any more than you go to a casino to meditate or a 7-Eleven to vote. There’s a reason Walt Disney never scratched his chin and told Disneyland planners: “What if the monorail passes through a red light district in Tomorrowland as Tinker Bell gets her freak on?”
So what the Brazilian investors behind ErotikaLand are thinking is not clear. But what they are planning to do — build the world’s first sex theme park by 2018 — suggests Brazil can add “shady business venture” to a list of national concerns that already includes “political crisis, ” “financial uncertainty, ” “Zika virus, ” “Olympic snafus” and “why is Adriana Lima now dressing like a vagrant?”
Here’s what we know about ErotikaLand so far, thanks to a New York Times story: 1. Investors plan to build the park in the city of Piracicaba. 2. The park will be adults-only. 3. Admission will cost $100. 4. “What the customers cannot have, the investors say, is any actual intercourse — at least, not in the park.”
Or as project lead Mauro Morata told the paper: “This won’t be a place for nuns, but it’s not like we’re trying to recreate Sodom and Gomorrah. If attendees want to take things to another level, they can go to a nearby motel — which we will operate.”